Conversations with the Devil
by Echante
Summary: Callie and Arizona are getting married so Addison makes the trip to Seattle following Pete and Violet's disaster of a court case. Mark/Addison.


**A/N: **Not all of this is accurate with the show, partially because I don't remember what it said exactly and partially because I think the writing in the court scene was complete bullshit and Addison has become a terrible shell of a character. Her speech in court? That was the most contrived bullshit I've ever heard. That wouldn't convince me. It was a fucking show or something, it's what I would say if I were trying to be cheesy! It looked like a fucking show! But that episode did make me like Charlotte.

**Conversations with the Devil**

_(My name is Nicky, but you can call me Dre. What up.)_

"You think you are the only one who believed. I believed once too. And little by little he hacked away at my humanity; my decency. Until there was nothing left. And like that I lost eleven years of my life. Mark… Don't lecture me about Mark. Mark was my salvation."

"You don't treat him like he was your salvation."

She scoffs and sets her drink down, laughing hollowly, "Well… He was a savior for the time, not ideal but fitting."

Meredith takes a slow sip from her glass and looks out towards the crowded bar, "I don't hate you. I don't know why I lashed out at you. I guess Derek and I have been having problems and I wanted to believe that we're better than you two were."

"Oh but you are." Addison smiles slightly, "When he asked me out, I didn't really like him. But he was persistent and I got tired so I agreed just so he would go away. I never particularly liked him but he kept coming back, he convinced me he was in love with me and eventually I got so used to having him there that I couldn't imagine a life without him. And then I fell in love too. But our whole relationship was based on adjustment. That's not something you build a life on. I was always trophy to him. You're not, what the two of you have, that's genuine. That's the stuff that lasts."

"I hope you're right."

Addison snorts, "I'm always right."

"I didn't mean it about Mark either. I'm sorry about that." Meredith shakes her head and sighs while Addison studies her closely, "He was hurting really bad after you left."

"Mark…" Addison looks down, "Mark's not the stuff that lasts either."

Meredith doesn't believe her but she doesn't open her mouth about it, instead she calls for another glass of wine and sighs.

Addison taps her glass impatiently, "I can't believe my best friend is getting married… to a woman."

"She's your best-friend?" Meredith quirks an eyebrow without curiosity.

"I have a lot of best friends. I'm the maid of honor aren't I?"

Meredith just laughs and shakes her head, "I always admired that about you, you came to this city where you were bound to be hated and then drafted the two most feared women in the hospital towards your side."

"I'm a winner Meredith," Addison laughs lightly, "losing Derek to you was the first time I really ever lost at anything since high school, and a lot of insecurities came back. The only solution for me was to shut down. And then go into attack mode."

Meredith looks blankly in her drink and sighs, "I wonder if the snow is ever going to let up. Otherwise there might not be a wedding to go to."

Addison sighs, "God forbid."

XXXXXX

**Five hours earlier: **

"Fancy meeting you here," Mark smirked as he moved to pick up her suitcase and load it into the trunk.

"Ugh," Addison groaned as she pushed her glasses to her forehead, "The freaking flight was delayed for like twenty hours."

"Really?" Mark smirks at her as he straps himself into the driver's seat of his car, "You sure you're counting right?"

"Something like that," she waves at him absently and stares out the window as he turns onto the highway. The bland grayness of Seattle contradicts the brighter and more diverse character of L.A. that she was used to and it was a little disconcerting to return to the place where she faced so much unhappiness. "Anyway," she smiles back at him, "How have you been?"

"Good, good. And you? How's the sunny state?" She frowns slightly because she had kind of wanted to know if he and Lexie were still together, she considers asking but balks at the last minute. She could ask Callie later.

"It's fun."

Mark laughed, "Fun? That's all I'm going to get?"

She smiled cheekily at him and nodded, "Yup. That's all you get." Neither of them brought up the last time he was in L.A. He noticed a hint of sadness in her voice but he didn't know if they were still close enough to talk about it. They passed the rest of the ride with meaningless chatter about cats and children and daisies and it's almost as if they are back in New York, pretending they don't have tension beneath them, pretending that the walls aren't closing in.

When they get out of the car and pull into Mark's parking space in his apartment building, the air starts to turn prickling and they hurry into the hallway. Mark's hand goes instinctively to her hip and she doesn't question his movement until halfway towards the elevator. "Mark?" She asked softly and he looked at her confused before looking down to where his hand merged with her waist.

":Oh," he said blushing softly, "Sorry."

Afterwards, they walked on opposite ends of the hall just to make sure.

"Thanks for letting me stay with you," she said when the door finally shut behind them, he nodded, smiling, "Yeah, sure. I know Callie and Arizona are busy with the wedding and really who else are you going to stay with?"

Addison made a face and stuck out her tongue, "Hey, I could have found a place to stay if I wanted to. I have friends."

"Not many."

"Do you want me here or not?"

Mark feigned hurt, "please stay!"

Addison smirked and pushed past him, "Great, where's my room?"

Mark grinned and pushed open his bedroom door, "You take the bed, I'll sleep on the couch."

Addison wrinkled her nose, "Ew, I'm sure you've done nasty things in this bed."

It was Mark's turn to smirk, "Not any worse than things I've done on that couch."

"Gross Mark! Jesus."

"Hey," he winks at her, "We used to have good times." She scoffs and shakes her head with a half smile splattered on.

"Yeah. Those were the days huh? Fucking around behind Derek's back. That was terrible you know, you're a terrible person to do that to me, and to him."

Mark shrugs, "It's who I am."

"That's total bullshit Mark. You've been using that fucking line your whole life, you asked me why I couldn't commit to you and that was because you believed that you couldn't change. I think you have changed. I can see it. It's written all over you."

"Addison," he says, his tone suddenly somber, "What if I asked you again then. Right now. What if I said, take me back. I've missed you. You're the only one who understands."

Her eyes widen and she says, "I'd tell you that you're a fucking idiot. I don't fall for things twice Mark. You screwed me over. When I needed you most you screwed me over. Don't do it again."

He doesn't look at her, he only speaks quietly into the floor, "That was a mistake."

Addison looks under the coffee table and picks up a picture frame, cracked straight through the center. Mark was smiling widely, his arm wrapped around Lexie Grey who was staring at his profile. She hands it over to him, "Don't make the same mistake again." She says and then walks into the bedroom. "I don't want you to say that again. Ever." She slams the door before he can follow and he knows that it is best that he doesn't follow.

**Twenty-years earlier:**

"Do you ever think that maybe we don't exist?" She pops the question at him as she switches her notes for his. He reaches over and grabs at her chicken teriyaki. She slaps his hand away.

"Do you ever think that maybe you're insane?" He asks her.

"No, seriously, how do we actually know we exist? How do we know that whatever we see in front of us isn't some sort of mirage and how do we know that we are actually here, I am actually here in front of you, eating this chicken, looking at these notes studying for this test."

"Shut up."

"Seriously, it's astounding. Mind-blowing." She grins and then winks at him, "I don't even know what we are studying anymore."

"Psychology I test. And hello Plato, haven't you heard of Rene Descartes?"

"I think therefore I am? I didn't really pay attention to the five minute lecture that my humanities teacher gave in tenth grade about ancient Greece."

"You should have. He says that in order to be deceived at all, that means that in order for you to imagine this, or anything, to feel or see anything, in order for you to think at all, you must exist."

Addison pauses and pushes the tip of her pencil into her mouth and bites down a bit, "Well that's a relief."

Mark nods, "But that's not to say that you aren't being deceived right now about everything else. You could be just a brain in a vat, plugged in, you know, Matrix style."

"Well that was cheerful."

"Anything's possible, try not to think about it."

"Hey I asked the questions ages ago, I've already moved on."

"While I was talking?"

"Yeah."

"That's rude."

"It's a rude world. Deal with it."

"That's it's a tough world."

"What did I say?"

"Rude."

"Well I was adapting to the situation."

"You can't just change the words at your will."

She winked at him, "I just did. What was the basis of Freud's theories."

"That all things stem from sexuality or sexual desire."

She wrinkles her nose, "That's gross."

Mark grins, "You know, according to Freud we should get it on, right here, right now."

"Freud was an idiot."

Mark winks at her, "Are you just saying that while you repress your sexual desires in the face of what is socially acceptable?"

"Eat your teriyaki," she snaps but she looks down a bit and blushes, Mark only grins knowingly.

"Face it Ads, sexual oppression isn't good for your health. It's linked to mental instability."

"Mark," she says quietly, "Shut-up."

He smiles, "Gladly."

XXXXXX

"I know you want to fuck me." She says it slyly, maliciously; her lips curl upwards in a predatory manner.

His mouth pops open for a slight moment before he shakes himself and raises an eyebrow, "Is that your professional diagnosis?"

"It's called pattern recognition; generally you want to hump everything that moves."

He sighs, "Addy, I don't want to _fuck _you."

She bats her eyes, "I want to fuck you."

He groans, "Well that's just great, what about Derek...?"

"He's a non sequester."

"That's not true and you know it."

She closes the gap between them, a smile spreading across her face, "Oh Mark," she says to him, "You're uncharacteristically tense." She says, breathing against his lips, "Oh I've heard the legends, you're a God and I need a God right now. Derek is nowhere. He's nothing."

"Addison, I cannot be the person you run to. I cannot be the person you hide behind."

She closes the gap between them and then grins, "Who says I'm hiding?"

He sighs, willing himself to withdraw but he allows himself to taste her first. He can taste her, just barely and then… "I can't Addy, I can't."

She looks so pathetic, with her wounded face and broken tears; she pulls away and looks to the side, "Isn't this what you want?"

He lifts his finger to tug her face upwards and he looks her straight in the eye, "I want more Addy, I want more."

XXXXXX

**Present Time: **

Mark walks into the bar and takes a look at the table where Addison and Meredith sit together. He glances almost longingly at the stool and then sighs and steps over to the other side. Meredith looks over fleetingly and then nudges Addison's shoulder, "Speaking of Mark…"

Addison shakes her head, "I've been through hell lately. I wish he's just leave."

Meredith swirls her straw around her glass, "He lives here. You're the one who's out of place."

"Well fuck that. I'm fucking tired of being out of place. I'm fucking tired of being out of place everywhere I fucking go. I'm fucking tired of it all."

"What the hell's wrong with you?"

Addison laughs bitterly and tilts her head back, "I have no fucking idea." The glass slams and breaks against the counter on its way down. The whole room looks up in horror but she only shrugs, so many things have been breaking lately, the best thing to do is to let it happen.

_"How did your marriage end Ms. Montgomery?"_

_ "Your Honor, objection, how is this relevant with the case?"_

_ "You better make this case quick."_

_ "I will, Ms. Montgomery, how did your marriage end?"_

_ Addison stutters, "Are you serious?"_

_ "I'm trying to establish whether or not you are a person worthy of our trust."_

_ "That's complete bull. Is anyone questioning your moral standings?"_

_ "Answer the question."_

_ "No! Are you married."_

_ The judge moves his gavel slightly, "M'am please calm yourself."_

_ "I'll answer if she does. Have you ever been married?"_

_ "No."_

_ "Is that because you are incapable of love?"_

_ "Hey!"_

_ "Or is it because you like women?"_

_ "No!"_

_ "You see your honor, it seems apparent that this woman is not properly able to perform her duties in this court of law because she is either void of emotion or a closeted lesbian. And if she is the later then she better go work out those issues before she takes them into court. What you are trying to accuse me of, is having an affair. I slept with my husband's best friend. But you know what? If I came in here and said stealing is bad, and then I went and stole something, then that would make me a hypocrite, but it would not make me a liar. So call me a whore to my face."_

_ "Ms. Montgomery, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave."_

_ Addison steps off the platform, "Great," she says, and stalks steadily out the door, "I hate fucking lawyers."_

XXXXXX

"Mark," Derek snaps lightly in front of his best friend's face, "Hey, how are you doing?"

"I'm good," he growls quickly, "stop asking me that."

Derek frowns, "I haven't ever asked you that."

"Well don't."

"You okay? Ever since Addy got back you've been really bitchy."

"You still think of it that way too…" He sighs and shakes his head.

"What way?"

"That she's coming back. That when she comes here, it is her coming home, not visiting."

Derek shrugs, "It was just a slip, I wasn't really thinking of it like that."

Mark buries his head into his hands, "Well I do. I keep thinking she's coming home someday you know? Like this is home for her… I was willing to do anything to make her stay. I was willing to do anything and I didn't. I don't know why I didn't. It was the only time I've ever been selfless now that I think about it. Even when Lexie and I broke up I was petty. I was mean and petty and I was cruel. And Addison—she brought out the best in me. She brought out the only good that ever was in me. Why is that Derek? How come?"

"What happened Mark? Why isn't she talking to you?"

He shrugs, "I said I love her and she said that I didn't. And the truth is, I think she was lying because I know she was."

XXXXXX

**Three Hours Earlier:**

Mark pulls Addison by the hem of her dress to the corner, Addison shifts uncomfortably when she notices Lexie watching them out of the corner of her eye but Mark refocuses when he shakes her a bit. "You can't avoid me the whole time you know." He tells her.

She tries to struggle out of his grasp, "Oh I don't know about that."

He grasps her harder, "Addison!"

"Mark!" She mocks sticking out her tongue, "What do you want?"

He grins, "You."

"Well that's nice, and I want World Peace but I'll settle for a little less hunger in my stomach so if you'll let me get to the buffet table."

"You'll have to talk to me eventually."

"In my next lifetime."

"You asked me to ask you again!"

Addison scoffs and smirks, "That's right Mark, I gave you one chance, this isn't baseball, you don't get three strikes, and as a matter of fact that was three, New York, Seattle, L.A., we've failed everywhere. All that's left is Florida and then we'll have failed in all the corners of America!"

"Well technically Alaska is more of a corner then Seattle…"

"You know what Mark? I don't give a damn! I don't give a fucking damn about your technical geography! I don't give a damn about what you say you feel because you've been known for your random spurts of screwing me over so thank you, no thank you, goodbye."

He doesn't move to stop but just stares out into the street outside of the bar. Derek and Meredith are bickering quietly in the corner, Lexie glares violently at the back of his head, Jackson tries desperately to calm her but to no avail. Arizona and Callie are getting married soon, he should be happy, but the snow gathers in the April night and Callie's dream of an outdoors wedding grows further and further away.

XXXXXX

**Twenty Minutes Before Present Time:**

Callie glances over as Meredith storms into the kitchen, "You look like something just died."

"Derek's being an ass."

"Oh?"

"Yeah he…" Callie cuts her off.

"It's my wedding day, don't poison it with your bitching."

Meredith huffs slightly but pacifies herself, "Fine."

Callie looks over at her slightly and then sighs, "I really really really hate to ask you to do this but can you do me a favor?"

Meredith groans, "What?"

"Hang out with Addison?"

**Present Time:**

"Well," Meredith drawls, "I think you're drunk enough to talk to him."

Addison shakes her head, "Not possible."

Meredith laughs merrily, "Well I'm going to talk to Derek, talk to the fucking guy."

Addison watches Meredith's retreating back forlornly and doesn't notice Mark's sneak attack. Before she has the chance to snap, Mark is sitting beside her where Meredith had just been. "Holy shit!" She nearly screams.

Mark grins, "I told you you would have to talk to me eventually."

"Does this really seem like a conversation with you?"

"Close enough."

Addison sighs, "Mark, why do you keep coming back?"

His lips curl up into his first sincere smile of the night and he tucks a stray hair behind her head, "Because I do, and you are all I know and all I need to know in all honesty. When I came back after I left you that last time, I invented every excuse not to get back together with Lexie. They were pretty dumb excuses too. I was so pissed off that my residue feelings for her kept me from being with you, the one person who ever told me that I am not good—Do you remember?—You told me that I am not good and that doesn't matter because you're not good either. Neither of us were meant to be good. We were never meant to settle. We're not settlers. And we have failed in every corner of the earth but we have inflamed all of them too! I have never felt alive except when I was with you and you are the only person I am afraid of hurting. That's why I left you in L.A. That's why I let you go in Seattle, in New York, that's why I can't let you go right now Addy. Because I can see it in your eyes, you are broken. You're hurting and I can fix that! I can fix it because I've always believed and belief will set us free."

Addison scratches her head a bit and shakes her head and blinks a couple times before she takes a hesitant breathe, "I can't guarantee I'll remember saying this tomorrow morning, but I believed in you too. I just… it's just that belief has screwed me over so many times. So…" she pauses and extends a hand, taking his into hers and then settling herself into her rightful place in his arms, she sighs, it's like coming home, "so how _do _you feel about Florida?"

**A/N: **I know I haven't been here for awhile and that's cause I've been hella busy. But if you would please review that would be very very nice! This is a project that spanned three weeks and it still turned out semi-crappy so what can I say. Just review. That would make my day!


End file.
